past

Quote: Lewis Carroll

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”

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couple at sunset by the sea

A poem from 2009

I’m asking you for answers,
But I know I’ll just get nothing,
I don’t know why I bother,
Thinking you’re the man of the hour.

I remember the days,
Where we laughed and played.
It was simpler, easier back then,
When we didn’t have the pressure.

Fairytales and fantasies,
Were the thoughts that I had.
None of this about the future,
It was all about the here and now.

Free willed and fun loving,
It made the times so easy.
I miss the days of you and me.
I miss the days of worriless dew.

Why can’t we just go back,
And forget this burning pain?
Ignore the tears that fall,
Licking the wounds that remain.

Back to the days of hope,
The days of smiles,
The days of dreams.

The preconceived idea

The preconceived ideas that you create based simply on yourself and your past.

With a look, you assume.

You find your previous knowledge of a person who looked like that, and then you apply it to this new one with zero thought about how you’re only just meeting them.

How you’re only seeing one dimension of them.

How you’ve dismissed their previous years.

How you’ve just assumed.

You’ve assumed – by the way they look and act – that they must be like the people who you knew before.

So you place them into a category, one which fits them because of your prior thoughts and judgements. You give them a label, one that will most likely stay.

What a waste.

What if? 

When did you become resigned in the life that you’re in?

Did you just stop, but carry on? Stopped trying to change things and just continued with them?

When you look back, closely, you can see a point where your life took a turn.

Too many things didn’t work out, some things got hard. There was more disappointment than happiness, more frustration than success. Or just something happened that led you off the road.

So you continued on a different path than the one you originally imagined. You continued on the one that was nicely packaged. That would give you a stable life, stable feelings, stable thoughts.

But then from time-to-time, you look back and think ‘what if?’.

You tell yourself that you’re happy, that you worry less, that you don’t think about the what you’re supposed to be doing and that you are no longer as lost as you were in those trying stages.

You have enough money to do the things that you enjoy. You have friends, you maybe have a partner. You have boxes checked and a general sense that everything’s okay.

But now and again you get those niggling thoughts; there’s more. There’s more than this. There’s more to do. There’s more that would make you fulfilled.

But then you go to the pub or see a friend, or do something that’s one part distracting and two parts entertaining, and you feel okay about it all again for a time.

So you continue in the sickly cycle of the same.