Failure

Empty

Slightly burnt, with crusts a little too thick. 

The last of the butter, evenly spread.

A little sweeter, perhaps? Too bland otherwise. 

Is there anything left in the cupboard? 

Jam, marmite, lemoncurd?

Maybe the marmite. 

Some will hate but others will love. 

They’ll say the taste is too strong. 

Lingers. 

They’ll have their opinions. They’ll say. 

But still they will take, despite their talk. 

And when there’s nothing left, they’ll move onto the next,

leaving nothing but a few crumbs and an empty shelf. 

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Retreat

Blinded by the stories,
fractured by the past.
Trying.

One false move,
and off you run.
Retreating.

A little bit of you,
you give what’s left.
Gasping.

Too much,
too little.
Silence.

What if? 

When did you become resigned in the life that you’re in?

Did you just stop, but carry on? Stopped trying to change things and just continued with them?

When you look back, closely, you can see a point where your life took a turn.

Too many things didn’t work out, some things got hard. There was more disappointment than happiness, more frustration than success. Or just something happened that led you off the road.

So you continued on a different path than the one you originally imagined. You continued on the one that was nicely packaged. That would give you a stable life, stable feelings, stable thoughts.

But then from time-to-time, you look back and think ‘what if?’.

You tell yourself that you’re happy, that you worry less, that you don’t think about the what you’re supposed to be doing and that you are no longer as lost as you were in those trying stages.

You have enough money to do the things that you enjoy. You have friends, you maybe have a partner. You have boxes checked and a general sense that everything’s okay.

But now and again you get those niggling thoughts; there’s more. There’s more than this. There’s more to do. There’s more that would make you fulfilled.

But then you go to the pub or see a friend, or do something that’s one part distracting and two parts entertaining, and you feel okay about it all again for a time.

So you continue in the sickly cycle of the same.

To be human 

They expect so much. They hold such high standards. And if they’re not met the first time, they don’t offer no second chances. 

Why do they expect you be so perfect the first time round? 

You are learning. You’re all learning. 

You’ve never done this before – life. It’s new to you. Just like it was to them, just like it still is to them.  

No-one has done it before – until it’s too late to ask them. It wouldn’t be this hard if you had. 

They expect the right answers the first time. If there’s a mistake, if you react too much, if you put a foot out of place, they give you that look.

Disappointment.

Pure disappointment etched into the lines and cracks of their faces. 

It’s okay to not have the right answer straight away. To not know what the right thing to do in a situation is. To let emotions do the talking. 

It’s okay for this because you improve on this.

They need to give you the time to improve, to be what you can be. To reach the imagery potentional which lives up there with their high standards. 

They need to give you a chance, they are not perfect either.

Acknowledge that we are human.

Let you be human.