“This is the source of the trouble. Persons tend to think and feel exclusively in one mode or the other and in doing so tend to misunderstand and underestimate what the other mode is all about. But no one is willing to give up the truth as he sees it, and as far as I know, no one now living has any real reconciliation of these truths or modes. There is no point at which these visions of reality are unified.”
Happy Tuesday… I’m currently enjoying my last Tuesday of unemployment until the new job starts on Friday.
With the sun shining and the garden to myself, I was all ready to put some words to WordPress. And then I went to plug in my laptop charger. Of course, it was broken. And of course, my laptop was lagging in battery life. But nevermind (a quick visit to Amazon means a replacement is on its way), I shall just be stuck to typing on the phone instead. So apologies in advance for the multitude of mistakes that will undoubtedly appear!
Anyways, this isn’t a post about my laptop’s battery (or lack of). I wanted to sit and write and share.
I moved back from London to my hometown in Yorkshire, where I lived for 18years and where my first ideas of the world formed, around a month ago. And it’s nice.
If you told me three years ago when I was packing my bags for the Big City that I would be back here, I would never have believed you. But that’s the thing with life, it’s constantly changing.
“It had never occurred to me that if no one taught us how to think this way, we would not think this way. And yet, that’s the way it is.
“Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you, and you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use.
“When you grow up you tend to get told that the world is the way it is and your life is just to live your life and try not to bash into the walls too much…that’s a very limited life.
“Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact—everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you…shake off this erroneous notion that life is there and you’re just going to live in it versus make your mark upon it. Once you learn that, you will never be the same again.”
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
I’m asking you for answers,
But I know I’ll just get nothing,
I don’t know why I bother,
Thinking you’re the man of the hour.
I remember the days,
Where we laughed and played.
It was simpler, easier back then,
When we didn’t have the pressure.
Fairytales and fantasies,
Were the thoughts that I had.
None of this about the future,
It was all about the here and now.
Free willed and fun loving,
It made the times so easy.
I miss the days of you and me.
I miss the days of worriless dew.
Why can’t we just go back,
And forget this burning pain?
Ignore the tears that fall,
Licking the wounds that remain.
Back to the days of hope,
The days of smiles,
The days of dreams.
Crawling, inching further,
Light burning down.
Covering, I tried to see.
It felt like years,
Years had passed.
What had changed?
Had they forgotten?
I looked down,
to check I was there.
Was this real?
The darkness loomed,
The light shone,
so bright ahead.
Fear, a nervousness.
It seemed so daunting.
Eyes pressed down.
‘Where have you been?’
When did you become resigned in the life that you’re in?
Did you just stop, but carry on? Stopped trying to change things and just continued with them?
When you look back, closely, you can see a point where your life took a turn.
Too many things didn’t work out, some things got hard. There was more disappointment than happiness, more frustration than success. Or just something happened that led you off the road.
So you continued on a different path than the one you originally imagined. You continued on the one that was nicely packaged. That would give you a stable life, stable feelings, stable thoughts.
But then from time-to-time, you look back and think ‘what if?’.
You tell yourself that you’re happy, that you worry less, that you don’t think about the what you’re supposed to be doing and that you are no longer as lost as you were in those trying stages.
You have enough money to do the things that you enjoy. You have friends, you maybe have a partner. You have boxes checked and a general sense that everything’s okay.
But now and again you get those niggling thoughts; there’s more. There’s more than this. There’s more to do. There’s more that would make you fulfilled.
But then you go to the pub or see a friend, or do something that’s one part distracting and two parts entertaining, and you feel okay about it all again for a time.
So you continue in the sickly cycle of the same.