Depression

Just Another Day - Poem

Just another day

Drip, drip,
you sit and watch.
Drip, drip,
the same old noise.
Drip, drip,
just another day.

Fix it, they say.
Fix it, they plead.
Fix it, they scream.
You stop,
and stare.

Drip, drip,
it’s back again.
Drip, drip,
glass-eyed and numb.
Drip, drip,
just another day.

Do something, they say.
Anything, they hope.
Fix it, they scream.
You stop,
and smile.

Drip, drip,
you rise and fall.
Drip, drip,
You laugh, you scream.
Drip, drip,
just another day.

Darkness

The smile falters and the twinkle fades,
the laughter ends and the nights grow longer.
The darkness seeps in to every corner,
and soon you lose your thirst for wonder.

Leaving no room for thoughts of the future,
just filled with horrors dreamt in your bed.
Gone are the ideas that once played out inside your head,
replaced with a numbness that feels as heavy as led.

Each day is a torment between you and yourself.
A battle to paint your face with the same plastic smile,
to show the world that you’re okay for a while,
to try and surpass that imaginary, marked out mile.

Tomorrow will be easier, you say time and again,
but the future arrives and you’re still a mess.
You sit there wondering how they never guess,
and hoping one day that you may just confess.

It’s the unknown that makes you squirm 

It’s not that you don’t care.

It’s not that you don’t want to hear it. 

It’s not that you don’t want to see it. 

It’s that it makes you uncomfortable.

You don’t know what to do, say, think. So it’s easier to ignore it.

You don’t mean to turn away, to avert your eyes, hide your face. 

You do it before you realise that you are doing it. 

You carry on with what you know. 

What you feel comfortable with. 

What doesn’t confront what is inside of yourself. 

You squirm a little, so you move away. Move on. 

When you’re far enough away, far enough away so the debrises won’t come near you.  

You shoot a look. A quick one. Eyes widen. In that one look, they can see. 

They can understand, that you do not. 

But they know, they know that it’s not your fault. 

And you turn away, turn back, ignore, forget. Try to forget. 

And they sigh. And carry on, as best they can. 

The demon inside 

You fear the demons. 

But you fear talking about the demons more. 

You fear voicing them because then it makes them real.

You fear admitting them to others for the fear of being different. Not the good kind of different. 

You fear that the others can hear them. Can hear how crazy you really are.

You try to tell someone, about how it feels. How it feels like you are drowning in your own mind and body. 

How you wonder what would happen if you stepped over the yellow line. 

How you wonder if they’d notice. If you would scream. If they would hear. If they would see. 

How if you stop, you will fall. How you need to keep moving, forward. One day. One day further away. 

Further away from the darkness. But it remains. It’s always there, sleeping somewhat peacefully. 

Ready to pounce when you least expect it. Ready to take over. Take control. Take your mind from you. Take charge.

You fear it. 

You fear yourself. 

You fear them for not understanding. 

Light Rays Shining Down

Going Under

It feels like treading water to no end,

Constantly almost needing to gasp for air.

Not quite sure when the blackness will drag you down.

Down into its pits, and take over, take hold.

Grab you. Entangle you. Suffocate you.

An internal spluttering, spitting out the water which tries to fill your depths.

It all becomes so much harder. You can only half focus.

Half focus on the task in-hand and half focus on staying afloat.

It fels like you are made of plastic.

The sun melting the forced smile off your face.

You can feel it slipping.

You can feel yourself going under.

Grabbling for something.

Fighting.

Trying to stay afloat.